Losing Joie de Vie

I hate weeks like this.

Recently I struggle to get out of bed. I don't have a problem with getting up in the morning. I'm usually up just after 5am. Sometimes I force myself to get back to sleep. I wish it was summer because then I'd take a jog or something. Anyway... Usually I toss and turn, read some scriptures, toss some more and on a good day jump out at 7:15am. I know it's 7:15am because that is when they finish the morning news. It's not uncommon for me to get up at 7:40am. Mind you work starts at 8am. I'm not the fastest person in the morning and work is a 20 minute walk from my flat... FLIP! I take some chances. I thank Heavenly Fathers for taxis that take me straight to the front gate at work. Back to jumping out of bed... Some mornings I wonder why I have to shower... Hmmm... when that happens, you know that something is amiss...

It took a while to figure out the depressing feeling that overwhelmes me in the morning. I used to cry and wonder why am I so depressed. It felt like I had lost my joie de vie. I had nothing to be motivated about, nothing that inspired me, my enthusiasm sapped out of my very being... I was going through the motions because I signed a contract with my employer promising to show up on certain days, arriving at the said time for a prescribed about of time. And oh yes... promised to render a specified service. I don't want to do that anymore...

Initially I thought it was the job that wasn't me. I felt that it didn't complement my personality. It didn't challenge my intelligence [btw at high school some friends called me Einstein and I've also been called Megabyte], too much routine, no room for creativity. Simply put it was a mixture of all the wrong things. I am at a loss of wonderful adjectives so I'm failing to paint the picture for you but I sincerly hope you can see what I mean. Recently though there are interpersonal politics coming into play. Not mine per se... but I am noticing things, cliques, management styles, deceit, envy, gossip and lies. It's like I'm on a TV show.

I can handle my own demons... But a workplace where people wear smiles as they greet you, and then nestled in their secrete places whisper in hushed tones their objections about what you said and did; I can't take that. I would rather you be honest and not front at all. I appreciate the office mate that didn't greet me. I knew where I stood. But please don't make a mockery of me by pretending to be on my side when your intentions are just to bring me down!

This workplace sucks, but I refuse lose my zest for life on your request!